I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
