guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
