I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
