I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
