This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
