I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
