You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
