im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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