hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
