3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
