We won't sleep together?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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