you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
