im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
