it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
