I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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