And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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