Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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