TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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