She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
