i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
