guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize