I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I could make wine with my vomit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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