You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
