so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
