just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
