Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
