Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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