I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
