For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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