My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
