i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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