Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize