I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
