There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I checked into jail on foursquare
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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