I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
