The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
