You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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