What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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