god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
