Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
