I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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