it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
