I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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