i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dick very happy bro
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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