Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
