Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
