Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
