the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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