This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
