when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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