It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
