u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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