How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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