It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
