It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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