I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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