I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
