im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
