Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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