sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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