fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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