I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
