he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
