Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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