I wish my penis had an off switch
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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