There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
