some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
