gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize