The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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