Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
