I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
