sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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