We're like a lot better than the average bears
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
