I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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