I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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