I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
