I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
