Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
