he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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