i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
